Gasping Under Water

Soak it in England

I'm leaving today.

See you in Sweden

call just to hear you breathe

The backyard of the estate

I don't remember the last time I had a proper vacation where I wasn't necessarily obliged to do anything.  This might actually be the first.  Tom's family has been gracious and extremely welcoming and I am in a great debt to them.  Our manor/castle/vacation estate is located very close to Wales, but still resides in England.  It is absolutely beautiful.  So much so that I am not even going to attempt to describe it here.  I would not do it justice.

The kitchen holds an old-timey hob/oven called an Aga.  It is distinctly British, although it is rare to find one still in use.  Rob, Tom's dad, asked me if I had ever heard of it before.  I said that I would have to take a picture to even describe it.  The appliance is constantly on and burns oil to stay hot.  There are two hobs, one hotter than the other, that have lids to close when not in use.  The roasting oven did a good job cooking the christmas turkey.  As a funny side note, Tony Blair came under fire for attempting to "write off" an Aga service as a work related expense.

 La-Z-Boy

I have yet to experience such a thing called a meat raffle, but Rob and Sue assures me that they exist.  I don't think they are as common as they once were. To my understanding, one is expected to spend some time on a Friday evening at the local pub socializing with neighbors and colleagues.  At some point during the evening a raffle is held for the prized meat.  Should you be lucky enough to win, you have the honor of taking home the Sunday joint.  As Rob put it, "This country used to know how to live..."

Thumbs up for wet feet

  Sometimes I tire of the "capital city" tours.  When traveling Europe, it is very easy to get sucked into the convenience of tourist infrastructure which only large cities can provide.  Hereforeshire is not a large city.
While in Hereford we stumbled into an amazingly stereotypical British lounge for lunch.  If you were to ask an American to describe a typical English dining scenario, it would be very similar to the Green Dragon Inn.  It was a very stuffy drawing room populated by a crotchety old woman spewing tea on herself, a man in a matching green tweed suit making indistinguishable comments and a cranky group that contained a member with the most boisterous (and annoying) British laughs I have ever heard.  Even my adoptive English family commented on the hilarity of the situation.  It was so surreal I looked for hidden cameras.

You wouldn't know me when the pressure kicks in.

Buildings and cars

It has been about 5 years, but I have finally made it back to London.  Not much has changed.  People are still rude, Brits are still a minority and the streets are still dirty.  It was good to be back.
In preparation for the 2012 olympic games the city has now constructed signs and maps that indicate where you are in relation to other major attractions.  Odd that city officials hadn't thought of this extremely helpful public service earlier.  Now I am able to think of this city in terms other than the tube map.
I had initially intended to buy a "flight" on the London Eye, but it was closed due to cold weather.  I think it was about 4ºC, which didn't seem very cold compared to Malmö.  But apparently it has been England's coldest December in 100 years (since 1910 - 100 years exactly).

Attempting to visit Piccadilly and Oxford Circus 2 days before christmas was a big mistake.  Even though the city revamped the bus system in terms of requiring a ticket before boarding, it was still an incredibly slow means of transport.  Regent street was a mess, but I randomly heard a girl end her phone conversation with "Hej, hej..."  I asked if she was Swedish, but no dice.  Finnish - burn.  

Adverts for products I don't use or consume

I noticed a new feature in several places around the city (which appeared to be funded by HSBC) where you could "hire" a bicycle from a rack and pedal it around the city.  Then when you are finished, simply return it to the closest bike rack.  I thought this was a great idea, except for the fact that I didn't understand how to unlock a bike.  In replace of a coin slot there was a key pad.  Apparently you must obtain a key code somehow to use this feature.
You are half way there London.

Squeaky doors and leaky pipes

I went to see my old neighborhood before I boarded my train to Leicester.  It has actually undergone very rapid urban renewal and a rather welcome degree of gentrification.  Woodgreen seems like a decent place to live now.  I doubt I would consider moving back there, but it would be nice if that neighborhood had cleaned up 5 years earlier.
 

Something like a phenomenon

Turn into the skid.

If you had walked out my apartment this morning chances are you would have assumed the Zombie Apocalypse had reached the shores of Sweden.  Despite the uncanny likeness to the walking dead, the old swedish people that inhabit my neighborhood (or perhaps I inhabit theirs) do have a pulse.  I am consistently impressed when I see some old Swede with a walker trudging through feet of snow.  Happens all the time.      

I considered taking the bus for a few seconds while I was dusting the fresh snow off the ride.  I decided against it.  

I have been preparing for my Odyssean journey to the netherworld of David Cameron, PG tips and Harrods.  It looks like they called in the military so they could open the airport just for me (I might have to revise that depending on my flight status tomorrow morning).  Don't worry, I'll eat some mushy peas and fried toast for all of you.  Thanks to my brother for the totally metal winter apparel.  It is black like my heart. 

Your face was smiling as it hit the ground

Sometimes it is the little things in life that make you feel alright. 

I've contemplated going back to the US for a week because I found a cheap ticket.  Turns out that the price wasn't enough to sway me.  I found a good root beer though, so life isn't terrible.  

Also, I can see that someone from Croatia reads this on occasion.  Send me a message and invite me over for coffee.  I would love to see your country.  

Praha non-stop

Despite my better judgement, I agreed to meet several people in Prague (Praha) for a weekend get away.  This is one of those instances where when people ask "How was Prague" you just shake you head.  Not because it was a bad trip - quite the opposite - just incredibly exhausting.  Ondrej's family's apartment is currently vacant, so 7 of us squatted there for 4 days.  On the last night I was lucky enough to grab a mattress, which my spine was thankful for.     

Christmas market next to the clock tower 

Prague is an incredibly beautiful city.  I wish I woke up before noon to actually see more of it in the daylight.  I only ever saw Charles Bridge in the dark.  As you travel out to the periphery of the city the architecture leans toward Stalinist functionality, but the old town is impressive.  

We skipped the cultural crap.  For one reason, it was the off season and several things were partially closed.  Also, getting 7 people to agree to anything is a waste of time.  Plus it was bitterly cold for a few days.  We did manage to walk up 270 stairs to a spire in the cathedral located in the castle.  It was a nice view if not a little windy.

Ondrej (tu madre) and Slurms

  I have a new found appreciation for the Czech language.  After struggling to learn a Nordic dialect, I was exposed to a language that has nothing to do with English.
It was harsh, impatient and sexy.  Ondrej was key to avoiding uncomfortable situations.   Don't worry Emily, I didn't call anyone a goat.

And "penis" is russian for.......?

Although the "Budget" brand is probably available in several other european countries, it is a representation of the Czech condition.  While Prague has become a haven for ex-pat hipster doofus pretension, the Czechs manage to avoid concern for appearances.  For instance, they except the fact that the majority of the population are complete alcoholics.  Also the prevalence of the socks/sandals combination did not go unnoticed, a fact that Ondrej came to embrace. Beer is cheaper than water, the trams are late, green vegetables don't grow in czech soil, fanny packs are acceptable and the czechs don't care.
It was refreshing to be in a place where, despite the flaws, the system functioned.  People didn't give a shit.  It works just fine.

You had to drag spines into this!

  This sleeping bag was surprisingly comfortable after getting home from the clubs at 5am.  I also was extremely grateful for the green apple hand soap that washed the smell of cigarettes out of my hair.  Squat or GFTO!

Soundtrack to my life

To be my friend you must be highly opinionated about music.  My brother just wrote an exemplary blog post about songs that have influenced his life - for better or worse.  It was very revealing and heartfelt.  I was amazed at how personal music can become.  I owe it to him to write my own list.

1.) Green Day - "Burnout"
Dookie was the first tape I remember buying when I was 12.  As a child I always was drawn to the idea of "counter-culture".  Seeing the band members with dyed green hair spoke to my inner rebel and started my love affair with music.  Despite the fact that I never listened to another Greed Day album, this one probably still ranks in the top 50.

2.) Marilyn Manson - "Sweet Dreams"
Although I am embarrassed to admit to liking Marilyn Manson, I still respect him as a performer.  He was about attitude rather than music and I loved that as an awkward 13 year old.  I think my parents were proud that I listened to Marilyn Manson rather than watered down christian rock (which is what my friends listened to at the time).

3.) Anti-Flag - "New Kind of Army"
Once I hit high school my taste in punk became more refined and turned slightly political.  The attacks on the Wold Trade Center had happened and the Patriot Act was passed. I was left questioning the unwavering blind patriotism that was sweeping the country.  This band opened my eyes to dissent.  Also, the album cover gave me inspiration to shave my head into the best mohawk ever.  Mom was angry.

4.) Dead Kennedys - "Police Truck"
This is my homage to a band that existed before I was born.  As a general rule I don't listen to music that was written before my time but if you like punk, you have to pay respect.  I found this album at the only record shop in Cortez.  Amazingly enough, it was still in business the last time I passed through.

5.) Punk-O-Rama - 7
Possibly one of the best punk compilations ever made.  I'm sure that someone will disagree, but for me, this album had it all - fast drums, catchy guitars - love songs.  A great album, start to finish.  This was the last year Epitaph Records was worth a shit.  I remember smoking weed with Marco during lunch and listening to it on repeat.  

6.) Hot Water Music - No Division
This album reinvented the wheel for me.  My brother had come home from college for the weekend and played this album for me.  At first, I didn't understand it.  Songs didn't follow the verse/chorus - verse/chorus structure that I was familiar with.  After a few spins it defined my life for several years.  I remember driving home late at night from my crappy job selling popcorn at a movie theater and listening to this album with the windows down, even in cold weather.

7.) Dismember - "Dreaming in Red"
Although I had passively listened to a variety of metal due my brother's influence, this was the first song that honestly caught my attention.  It had melody, aggression and was incredibly catchy.  Too bad I've never heard another Dismember song I liked.

8.) Strung Out - An American Paradox
I first saw Strung Out when they were touring for this album.  It was the first real show I had been to after moving away to college.  It was also the first real mosh pit I had ever experienced.  I remember lying to Jason and telling him I knew "of" Strung Out.  In all honesty, I had no clue.  They are a great blend of catchy punk melody with very technical guitar riffs.

9.) Tool - Lateralus 
For a few months, I listened to nothing except this album.  After seeing these guys live with English Tom and his roommate (also named Tom, but a complete dip-shit) I couldn't get enough.  Once I quit doing drugs I no longer had the patience for this band, but I can still appreciate their talent.

10.) Iron Maiden - "Run to the Hills"
My first taste of cheesy, epic, guitar heavy, over the top vocal awesomeness.  I used to try and play along with the drums.  I feel like despite the fact that these guys are now 50 something, several of my younger friends have a strange affinity for them.  It is a guilty pleasure that I don't feel guilty about.

11.) American Nightmare - Background Music
I hated my first semester of college and seriously considered dropping out until I met Clint.  I remember him standing outside the dorms looking like he was about to mug me when he commented on a shirt I was wearing.  We became friends and he introduced me to American Nightmare, a band with the saddest lyrics I've ever heard, sung in the most hostile way imaginable.  When Clint screams he reminds me of American Nightmare. This album convinced me to stay in school.  Hardcore died when this band broke up.

12.) Minus the Bear - Highly Refined Pirates
My first serious girlfriend introduced me to this band.  She told me that she would listen to this album with her ex-boyfriend while sniffing pills.  She was a charity case.  After she broke my heart I continued to listen to this album whenever I felt sad and lonely.

13.) Champion - "Promises Kept"
Once I decided to become straight edge, this band gave me the strength and aggression I needed to truly commit.  Also it is one of the only tough-guy bands that I can stomach.  Xed up fists and sing-alongs or GTFO!

14.) Shai Hulud - "Scornful of the Motives and Virtues of Others"
It took me a few years to like Shai Hulud.  I didn't have the patience to listen to them.  But when I reached a particularly unhappy and frustrating point in my life, this song played in my head constantly.  Some of the most thought provoking lyrics ever written as well as the inspiration for the name of Matt's band came from this song.  Shai Hulud might be the musical definition of cynic, but anyone who likes this band is a friend of mine.


15.) City and Colour - Bring Me Your Love
Despite being considered "emo", Dallas Green has one of the best voices I have ever heard.  His songs are simple enough to be widely appealing, but uniquely interesting.  Strangely enough, people with entirely different musical tastes can agree on this album.  Dax and I for instance.  I think this album also prolonged my second serious relationship by a few months.

16.) A Wilhelm Scream - Mute Print
I discovered this band during a particularly depressing winter.  My brother and I were living in a shitty basement apartment.  We were both working jobs we disliked and I was stuck in a stagnant relationship.  We saw A Wilhelm Scream open up for Strung Out and they blew us away.  Their "fuck off" attitude was exactly what I needed balls up and move on with my life.    

17.) Miles Away - Rewind Repeat
I love this band because no pretentious hardcore douche knows of them.  I would crank up "Brainwashed" and shout along while on the way to the gym.  

18.) Strike Anywhere - Exit English
This band personifies my feelings toward politics exactly.  Especially in the era of hope and change.  Rather than operating in a broken system, it represents an outright refusal to participate.  Not out of apathy, but out of reason.  Different faces, same system - its true.  Fuck you.  

19.) Al Green -"Lets Stay Together"
Last year I spent Christmas with my girlfriend's family.  After the festivities died down, my girlfriend's mother said, "turn off this christmas shit and lets put on something classy."  Having never really been a fan of "classy" music, this song held a certain significance that I could never put my finger on.  It is sexy and elegant and slow enough that even I can dance (poorly) to it.

20.) Chuck Ragan - "The Boat"
Perhaps I am growing up and am not as impressed with blazing solos as I used to be, but this is the first acoustic album that ever meant anything to me.  His vocals carry a certain weight that makes you want to pick up a hammer and build yourself a house.

21.) Jónsi - "Sticks and Stones"
This song represents one of the best and worst summers of my life.  It is incredible how fast time passes.

22.) The Flatliners - "Flithy Habits"
The Flatliners make me want to be in a band again.  Their music is dirty, loud and unpretentious.  It fits my personality well.  Sometimes, before I go to bed, I play air guitar to this song in my underwear.

23.) Crime in Stereo - "Sudan"
This is the song that inspired me to quit my job, sell a bunch of my crap, fuck up my relationship and move across the world.  It represents the complete disillusionment I had with the way my adult life was unfolding. I don't want a wife and kids with a house in the suburbs, working a job I hate.  Fuck that.  I hope anyone that reads this has the courage to stand up for themselves and say "I want something more than this."

24.) This Will Destroy You - "Quite"
When I packed my bags and moved my things, I had several regrets.  But the decision to actually move was never one of them.  Late at night I would lay on Christian's spare cot and listen to this song to help me fall asleep.

25.) Russian Circles - "Versus"
If there was ever a "song" a girl and I shared, this would be it.  I still listen to this song almost every day, and it still reminds me of you.  It is romantic and heartbreaking at the same time.

Sorry for the lack of pictures on this one.

Bart get to sit up front because he is a good guy at sports

It has been snowing on and off for about a week, which is apparently quite unusual for Malmö.  The ocean currents tend to keep Skåne's climate rather mild despite its Northern location.  Although I read that the North Atlantic Oscillation is negative this year.  That means that all the cold arctic air is floating down from the north.  There are only 2 good things to do in cold weather.  Honestly I haven't been doing either of them, and most people I know can only manage to get one of them accomplished.

We went to see a hockey game the other night.  The arena in Malmö is incredibly nice, but there were very few fans in attendance.  Perhaps the lack of fan revenue is the reason that  advertising was on every conceivable surface.  

Should you ever attend a hockey game I would recommend attending with a Canadian.  They are invaluable when it comes antidotes about fans getting killed by rogue pucks, brutal eastern european hockey league fights,  and explaining what the hell icing actually is.  Thanks Justin.

*side note.  The Swedish hockey league does not allow fighting.  If you drop your gloves then you are ejected from the game.  snooze.

Due to the recent media fallout from the whole Wikileaks fiasco I've decided not to pursue a career in diplomacy.  It appears that international espionage isn't what it used to be.  Instead I have decided to try out for my local terror organization.  The opportunities for a terrorist conspirator seems like a relatively viable option in todays cutthroat job market.  And getting a salary paid in virgins is always an attractive option.  Although I am a little concerned about the lack of life insurance and 401K options.