The death of my desire

After last night's pathetic display of humanity, I had difficulty falling asleep.  Laying awake contemplating this and that, I eventually found solace in my overly soft mattress.  Someone unexpected commented that I have "a good soul".  There is no such thing as souls.

Eventually the early morning light flooded my room through broken shades and forced me to open my eyes.  The promise I made myself the night before of a 7am jog seemed a thousand miles away.  I settled for a cup of tea and a bowl of oatmeal instead.

 I've managed to keep this plant alive during very dark and cold days.  It is starting to look happy after several months of misery.  It will be an incredibly sad day when I leave it in the care of someone else.  He will be missed.

4 walls surround my bleeding heart.

Hello daylight.  I have missed you.  Lets never fight again.

First breath after a coma

I clean up alright. 

The chance to "meet" a chinese delegation at a Swedish design and urban development forum was quite an opportunity.  Although language was definitely an issue, it was interesting to be in the same room.

I realize that I don't talk about my master's program, mostly because I think it would be a boring subject for anyone who doesn't study it.  But sustainability is very much in fashion.  So much so, it brings people together who do not have anything in common.  I could have hours of dull discussion on current trends, discourse, and theory - but I realize that first and foremost, sustainability is a business.  Hopefully a lucrative one.

I cannot be who I want when they know me as who I am.

This morning the static in my head kept me from sleeping late.  My eyes still hazy and my heart pumping blood faster than I care to imagine - I put my feet to my pedals.  Attempting to alleviate the the urge to think I turned my lungs inside out.  Recklessly.

 Exhausted and defeated, I turn my head to the west and race my shadow home.

Occasionally I am resentful of the people who are graced with eloquence and certainty.  But life costs, takes effort and work.  I try to remember that.   

Juan enjoys the little things

Sincere people

If concrete holds me below

Finding a consistant sleep pattern lately has become my everest.  Last night I lay awake squinting at the cracks in my ceiling and contemplating the human condition.  The window above my bed reflects light from the adjacent courtyard into my room.  Sometimes it bothers me.  I can't remember the last time I've seen a full moon.

Decay and return

What do you do when love gets you nowhere, it gets you nothing?

After arriving home from the gym and peeling off the layers of sweaty clothing, I unzipped my messenger bag and inspected the random things that I carry with me on a daily basis.  I realized that I get very attached to meaningless shit.  Here is a short list of things that I cherish and would kill for.
1.) Chrome Messenger Bag: These bags have thoroughly saturated the cycling market much like a drunk frat boy saturates his floor mattress with his own piss.  Malmö hipsters seem to have resisted the temptation lay down serious SEK for these cycle accessories which are still made in the USA.  It has taken me a few years to finally break it in.  Fits perfect.
2.) Track Pants:  When I was eighteen I moved away to college and started to seriously lift weights with my room mate, Manpower.  After a few embarrassing gym sessions in a pair of skimpy running shorts I decided to invest in a cheap pair of track pants.  I have probably worn them 300 days a year for over 8 years.  I have no intention of retiring them anytime soon.
3.) Misfits Hat:  This hat was given to me as birthday present from my brother.  This hat is fucking awesome.  If you don't agree, go set yourself on fire.  Last week I wrecked my bike incredibly hard (if my parents are reading this, I happened to land on a pile of extremely well placed fluffy pillows).  I managed to avoid any broken bones, but while I was sliding along the pavement on my belly like a penguin, my hat flew off.  It took me several minutes to find it in the dark.  The whole time my mind was swimming with thoughts of was how shitty my life would be if I lost it.  Seriously, I would be more upset if I lost that damn hat than if my grandmother died (we were never very close).
4.) Random note written by a friend:  Makes me smile on occasion.

The things we carry.

We sing until we black out and rain on your parade.

Brace yourself for a quick end to this series of convoluted blog posts that I should have condensed into one nice little package.

Big city lights

The 4 hour bus ride from Narvik to Tromsø was amazingly beautiful.  The fjords and water and mountains were a sight that I doubt I will see again anytime soon.  The bus started to fill up mid way though the journey and eventually a young Afghan kid sat next to me.  We struck up a conversation and he asked me why I was in the Arctic.  I said for a vacation.  I asked him the same question and he responded with a simple answer.  Asylum.  The type of response that makes you cringe a little on the inside.  When asked if he ever planned on returning to Afghanistan he replied, "never.... never."

crane and water

By the time we reached Tromsø we were a little burnt from the travels.  The city was bigger than any we had been to yet and the wind blew harder than it normally does in Skåne.
Unbelievably, none of us fell on our ass (the whole trip) despite the slick roads and sidewalks coupled with the lack of proper footwear.
After we checked into the hostel and a quick discussion on what was for dinner, we decided to drop about $20 on a kebab.  Norway is expensive.

Spring break outtakes

The gondola ride to the top of the mountain that overlooks the city seemed like a better idea from down below.  By the time we reached the top it was total blizzard conditions with basically zero visibility.  Not the best 80 krowns I've ever spent.
On the bright side I got to warm my trench-foot by the fire for about 20 minutes before we gave up and headed back down the mountain.

Death proof bridge

The bridge the connects the island with the mainland is longer than you expect, extremely windy and was covered in slush.  Also, the city has taken all the necessary precautions to make committing suicide quite the chore.
After painful decisions on how to spend our last hard earned Kronor, we were ready to catch the plane back to Copenhagen.
On the way to the airport I noticed one interesting thing about Tromsø.  There is an entire network of underground traffic tunnels and connect the city.  The city has made crossing the island very simple with a tunnel network that includes traffic lights, round-abouts and nice lighting.  Although I assume the road had to be resurfaced every year because of the cars and busses that drive around with chains despite the dry roads.  But Norway has oil money and people need jobs.  It probably works itself out.

Fin

I am at the mercy of all I say, I don't give anything away.

night skiing and big city lights

Narvik, reputedly the ugliest city in Norway, is not as unsightly as I anticipated.  It seems to solely exist as a port for the iron mined in Kiruna and was of strategic value to Germany in WWII.  The town in cut in half by the rail tracks that transport the iron from Sweden.  There are only 2 bridges that connect the town.  It was very quiet when we arrived and stayed that way until we left.

sled parking

Having grown up in a depressed community, I can understand how it feels to be in a very isolated area.  It makes me wonder if kids dream of big city lights and leaving his/her shithole town.  Even though the scenery around Narvik is quite beautiful, I assume the opportunity to make something of yourself is slim.

The whole trip we joked about Ondrej's love affair with Norway.  Any quality city has hills. As an adopted son of the Pacific Northwest, I can see why he is drawn to this area.  Mountains meeting the sea is very foreign and exotic to me.  It was nice.

water and elevation

We also joked about the old woman who ran the hotel that we stayed at.  She had the most intense old lady hair ever.  And I assume she was mildly crazy, a symptom attributed to living in Narvik for an extended period.  But she was very sweet.
If I were to write her autobiography it would be depressing and sad.  I assume her life is full of heartbreak and disappointment.  But she did have several wonderful pictures of her cats taped to the wall next to the reception desk.

Directing you to the fastest route out of town.

Like a click of the metronome I turn, I turn

When I told Joel about our Arctic plans, he gave me some advice. "Don't go."  He mentioned how the train service up there is spotty and unreliable.  We should give ourselves extra time for travel.  He was right.  The tracks from Kiruna to Narvik were buried by three consecutive avalanches and were out of service for the foreseeable future.

I buckled up for this bus ride.

Some ridiculous sense of pride drove our decision to keep moving North and catch a bus to Abisko, a small town halfway between Kiruna and Narvik.  This turned out to be the best decision of the trip.

Abisko station - closed for 50 years

Abisko exists as a tourist trap.  I don't quite understand what the locals would do for work other than lead dog sledding expeditions.  We managed to snag a few beds at the "dog hostel" after deciding the resort was too expensive.  Also a pretty good decision.
I am pretty sure that we are not welcome back at the Dog Hostel considering our evening of mild rabble rousing with a few French students resulted in a stern scolding from our host.  Regardless, the sauna was nice.




I points I wondered if the beauty of the scenery was somewhat lost considering where I grew up.  But when we walked across a frozen lake and saw two different shades of extremely blue sky I was thoroughly impressed.

Change your latitude.  

Come at me bro. 

Although I didn't admit it at the time, the shortcut through the trees was probably a bad idea.  But what turned our cc ski session into more of a snow hike was pretty fun.  After we made it back on the trail that is.
My mother would be proud at how quickly I took to the cross country skis after more than 10 years of not having them strapped to my feet.  The next time I am in SW Colorado during winter, I promise I will ski with you.

Well eared meal 

 

Did the ground just leave my feet?

Some thoughts on last week.
Day 1 & 2

Stockholm

I wish I had made it to Stockholm prior to last week (this visit did not count because I was only there long enough to eat a crappy burrito and catch my connecting train).  But it took longer than expected to get my feet wet in Malmö and by the time I was ready for some real traveling, the weather in Stockholm was already shit.  Also, I consider Copenhagen my capital city.
Just being on the street for a few minutes made me realize spring was in the air.  People were smiling.  I have hope for this new season.

Dudes and butts 

 The sleeper car is wonderful for long hauls.  It would have been great sans smelly swiss dudes and Ondrej's cement mixer snoring.
After getting settled, it was nice to enjoy some conversation while watching the dudes get drunk. One particular statement sticks out in my mind from that evening.  Even though it was not directed at me, it rings true:
"Dude, you need to simplify your life"
It sounds like some hippie bullshit, but I find a lot of meaning in it.
Side note:  ipods are amazing for long periods of travel.  Being alone with your thoughts can drive a man crazy.

Downtown ice sculptures 

Kiruna is pretty much what I expected.  Empty, cold, lots of snow.  Initially it was difficult to imagine where we were on a map.  The town seemed entirely ordinary.  I am not sure what I expected.  Everything operated in a similar fashion to the rest of the country, although several cars had after-market halogen lights installed.  I assume it is to get through the dark winters.  Also, if I were to venture a guess, I would say the city has a substantial snow removal department.

Voted most beautiful building in Sweden

The city survives off iron mining and tourism.  The locals were typically stoic and there were signs of immigrants from several places throughout the world.  Thai for lunch in the Arctic circle = globalisation.
We also ran into an Lebanese dude that gave us his 2¢ on Swedish culture.  Needless to say, it wasn't very positive.  But his bitterness might be justified given his current latitude.

The hall

 The only reason we stopped in Kiruna was for the Ice Hotel.  It was well worth the trip.  Honestly, I feel like our generation has become numb to intriguing, interesting, and important things.  Media has provided such vast amounts of information that we generally see/experience things from behind our computer rather than going out into the world.  Lesson: the ice hotel is amazing, very labor intensive and incredibly impressive.  Pictures and words do not do it justice in the slightest.  It should be experienced in person.

Although I am not sure I would want to actually sleep in one of the artistic suites (tourists fuck around in the rooms and on the beds until 6pm when it is closed to the public) it was a fun way to kill and evening.
All the ice is harvested from the Torne River the year before and is stored in a huge refrigerated production area.  I thought this was strange, but the tour guide kept referring to how the ice has to be "grown" all season.  They have to plan a year in advance.

Also, the water in the Torne is so clean you can drink it straight.  It tasted great.     

My favorite room

Sun and Ice

I was surprised how late the sun set in the arctic.  My misguided assumptions gave me the impression that the Arctic is incredibly dark for half the year - then it reaches a tipping point where the sun suddenly shines night and day.    Not true.  Rather, it is dark for a month, and then gains daylight exponentially until the sun never sets.  In March the days are about as long as they are in Malmö.  The Arctic is not just juxtaposed extremes.  There is a middle ground.

 To be continued.....

The flesh and bone encase my heart.

This sounds ridiculous even as I write it, but I could use a vacation.  I've had a long, strange, stressful week.  Even more ridiculous is the fact I have decided to head North of the Arctic circle during winter.  

Wet t-shirt contest will become a frozen t-shirt contest.

Spring Break - Arctic Circle 2011.  Starts tomorrow.